The words from my dad....an avid runner who would run as a career if he could.
Last week was difficult. I DID NOTHING! Before I started this journey and before I decided to train for my first half marathon doing nothing was the story of my life well not anymore. With a new promotion at work and training days in between everything else...doing nothing is not an option.
Its really hard sometimes to come home and get myself ready for a run. Now since I started it has definitely gotten easier and easier but those days still creep up on me where I have to do everything in my power just to get my ass out the door. And on those days.....the run is oh so sweet!
Today I ran 5K...I won't share the time because I am not super thrilled with it but it was not my best time. About half way through my run the arches in my feet really started to ache. "Welcome to the world of running my dear" is what my dad told me when I asked him why this was going on. And it is so true. Going forward in my life and really trying to turn the physical and mental aspect of it around there are things I have to get used too. I am starting to ache when I run now. Especially when I run on the road. Now this is where the hard part comes in. I am so used to using small aches and pains as an excuse to stop or slow down but now its time to HTFU and suck it up. As long as it is not serious it won't kill me. I just have to realize that there are things I can work through.
I have recently met this person who also writes a blog. Her blog is inspiring. The way she writes is so graceful and expressive and it seems to come so naturally. She has such a positive outlook on life. I don't know her very well yet but I have a feeling I will be seeing a lot more of her. I am so happy that I read her blog because she inspires me to write. Now my style of writing on here is a lot different then hers but she also inspires me to love me for me and not only be positive about the world and life but just be positive about myself and the achievements that I have made and will make big or small. So Thank you for that.
I started freaking out yesterday about how much time I have left until Race Day and how I missed last week. Am I going to have enough time? Am I going to be able to finish the race? Am I doing enough? Well after a run yesterday and a run today I am feeling a little more at peace with the whole thing. As long as I stick to my guns and get myself up everyday ready to work hard for me and for the race then I will be okay. It won't be easy....if it was, everybody would do it right?
"I don't believe you have to be better then everybody else. I believe you have to be better then you thought you ever could be." -Kevin Venturi
Tuesday, 19 March 2013
Tuesday, 5 February 2013
Mental Minute
I know I posted earlier this morning but I could not help post another one while I am still SO excited.
As you know I started back with my training today which I was really excited about this morning. As the day went on, as I am sure it does for most people, my excitement slowly started to dissipate. By the time 3 o'clock rolled around and it was time to head home and then over to the in-laws house I was starting to think up reasons why I couldn't go for my run today.
I don't have time after work.
It will be to late by the time we get home from dinner.
Blah blah blah the list could go on....
Well after a not so healthy but delicious pizza dinner it was around 8 o'clock when we headed home. At this point I already have it in my head that I am not going to go to the gym because it is to late and I am tired and I just want to go to bed. Well in a matter of minutes both of the important men in my life (Ken and Dad:D) reminded me of how I should go and I will feel so much better for it.
So when I walked in the door at home, before I could change my mind and come up with more reasons to slack off and call it quites for the night, I grabbed my workout gear (oops forgot water and a towel) and ran to my car to head to the gym.
Water-less and towel-less I jumped on the treadmill....entered in the terrible information they need (my weight? Really? Great so now a treadmill is going to judge me too) and got right to it.
My plan was to do 5K in less then an hour......that seems like a really long time but when I attempted a 5k run when I was sick that was about how long it took me. Well by the time I got warmed up I was back in my head like I usually am only this time it was all positive. I was determined to talk myself out of the fact that I was dreading the next 3.1 miles I was about to run/walk. And it worked!!!!
1.5 miles in a felt great.....don't get me wrong I was sweating probably more then the other 5 girls in the gym combined and I was huffing and puffing but not in the...oh shit I feel like I am going to pass out....kind of way, more in the this is awesome...I am tired but this is still awesome...kind of way. As time went on I was still sweating and huffing and puffing even more, and my feet were really sore (time for new shoes?!!) and I had just under 3/4 of a mile to go. I think I was sitting at 41.5 minutes. I got a huge boost and ripped through the last part of my run.
I increased my time by 1 min since the last time I did a 5k run when I wasn't fighting a cough and cold. And it feels amazing.
Not only because I ran it 1 min faster but because I mentally overcame that last minute of the run, where I normally want to jump off the treadmill and say "we will just round it up to 5k". I busted through the last minute because I KNEW that I could. There was no question of whether I could or not. I knew that I could and I was more then happy to sprint to the finish.
This confidence thing is a work in progress but I have to tell you, if this is what victories, big or small, are going to feel like....I could get used to this.
"Today I do what other wont, so tomorrow I can do what others cant"
Night everybody!!
As you know I started back with my training today which I was really excited about this morning. As the day went on, as I am sure it does for most people, my excitement slowly started to dissipate. By the time 3 o'clock rolled around and it was time to head home and then over to the in-laws house I was starting to think up reasons why I couldn't go for my run today.
I don't have time after work.
It will be to late by the time we get home from dinner.
Blah blah blah the list could go on....
Well after a not so healthy but delicious pizza dinner it was around 8 o'clock when we headed home. At this point I already have it in my head that I am not going to go to the gym because it is to late and I am tired and I just want to go to bed. Well in a matter of minutes both of the important men in my life (Ken and Dad:D) reminded me of how I should go and I will feel so much better for it.
So when I walked in the door at home, before I could change my mind and come up with more reasons to slack off and call it quites for the night, I grabbed my workout gear (oops forgot water and a towel) and ran to my car to head to the gym.
Water-less and towel-less I jumped on the treadmill....entered in the terrible information they need (my weight? Really? Great so now a treadmill is going to judge me too) and got right to it.
My plan was to do 5K in less then an hour......that seems like a really long time but when I attempted a 5k run when I was sick that was about how long it took me. Well by the time I got warmed up I was back in my head like I usually am only this time it was all positive. I was determined to talk myself out of the fact that I was dreading the next 3.1 miles I was about to run/walk. And it worked!!!!
1.5 miles in a felt great.....don't get me wrong I was sweating probably more then the other 5 girls in the gym combined and I was huffing and puffing but not in the...oh shit I feel like I am going to pass out....kind of way, more in the this is awesome...I am tired but this is still awesome...kind of way. As time went on I was still sweating and huffing and puffing even more, and my feet were really sore (time for new shoes?!!) and I had just under 3/4 of a mile to go. I think I was sitting at 41.5 minutes. I got a huge boost and ripped through the last part of my run.
Not only because I ran it 1 min faster but because I mentally overcame that last minute of the run, where I normally want to jump off the treadmill and say "we will just round it up to 5k". I busted through the last minute because I KNEW that I could. There was no question of whether I could or not. I knew that I could and I was more then happy to sprint to the finish.
This confidence thing is a work in progress but I have to tell you, if this is what victories, big or small, are going to feel like....I could get used to this.
"Today I do what other wont, so tomorrow I can do what others cant"
Night everybody!!
10 sec pity party
Finally back at it this week after being sick for a couple of weeks. Flu season in full swing!
Last week was a little bit better then the week before but I was one of the lucky ones who received the not so lovely cough that is going around these days.....and it has stuck with me for longer then I wished it had.
I have my first run back since I was sick today and I am more excited about it then I thought I would be. I am going to stick to my 5k program again this week to make sure I am ready for my 6 and 7k week next week.
Now.....10 sec pity party....what is that about you ask.....well as much as I do not want to admit it I am one for taking pity on myself to make myself feel less guilty about not sticking to my guns and doing what I need to do to get healthy and be happy. Not only with that....sometimes just in general life stuff I find myself feeling sorry for myself.
Throughout our lives we sometimes strive to meet these expectations and goals that we have laid for ourselves (I cant speak for everyone but I am pretty sure that I am not the only one who does this.) If we reach a wall on this path or we come across a bump in the road and it sets us back we tend to take pity on ourselves rather then pick up a hammer and knocking the sucker down.
The thought started yesterday after a Division 1 cup game. We lost.....It sucked. On top of the loss I again have the habit of being to hard on myself and getting in my head which in turn causes me to make mistakes and panic which is never a good thing when your on the pitch. Well the game ended and I was getting in my head and going over what happened and what I did to cause the goals the other teams scored......Well I cant take that responsibility on all by myself. We play with 11 on the pitch right? Its not just me out there all by myself. So when I got into my car and started crying I gave my self 10 secs to let it out.....counted down from 10 and when I got to 0 it was time to HTFU. for those of you who are unfamiliar with the saying....long story short it is more or less MAN UP with some profanity squeezed in there.
As much as I say I need to stop getting into my head...I do not think that is the case. Thinking about whats going on around you and thinking about what is making me feel the way I feel is a good thing but I need to work on thinking about reactions and feelings and not so much thinking about blame so to speak.
So here is to my new 10 sec pity party!
Last week was a little bit better then the week before but I was one of the lucky ones who received the not so lovely cough that is going around these days.....and it has stuck with me for longer then I wished it had.
I have my first run back since I was sick today and I am more excited about it then I thought I would be. I am going to stick to my 5k program again this week to make sure I am ready for my 6 and 7k week next week.
Now.....10 sec pity party....what is that about you ask.....well as much as I do not want to admit it I am one for taking pity on myself to make myself feel less guilty about not sticking to my guns and doing what I need to do to get healthy and be happy. Not only with that....sometimes just in general life stuff I find myself feeling sorry for myself.
Throughout our lives we sometimes strive to meet these expectations and goals that we have laid for ourselves (I cant speak for everyone but I am pretty sure that I am not the only one who does this.) If we reach a wall on this path or we come across a bump in the road and it sets us back we tend to take pity on ourselves rather then pick up a hammer and knocking the sucker down.
The thought started yesterday after a Division 1 cup game. We lost.....It sucked. On top of the loss I again have the habit of being to hard on myself and getting in my head which in turn causes me to make mistakes and panic which is never a good thing when your on the pitch. Well the game ended and I was getting in my head and going over what happened and what I did to cause the goals the other teams scored......Well I cant take that responsibility on all by myself. We play with 11 on the pitch right? Its not just me out there all by myself. So when I got into my car and started crying I gave my self 10 secs to let it out.....counted down from 10 and when I got to 0 it was time to HTFU. for those of you who are unfamiliar with the saying....long story short it is more or less MAN UP with some profanity squeezed in there.
As much as I say I need to stop getting into my head...I do not think that is the case. Thinking about whats going on around you and thinking about what is making me feel the way I feel is a good thing but I need to work on thinking about reactions and feelings and not so much thinking about blame so to speak.
So here is to my new 10 sec pity party!
Monday, 21 January 2013
Self Concious to Self Confident
Okay so here I am to tell you all about this journey that I am on. Now I feel like I am experiencing Deja Vu in a sense because I feel like I have attempted this journey many times in the past. Okay lets be honest...I have talked about this journey a lot in the past...I was never really "On it". But I am now and its actually really scary......and wonderful and exciting...all at the same time.
I kind of figured that once I started this I would really need to dig deep within myself to figure some stuff out. Why am I so self conscious? What inspires me? What is going to motivate me? What scares me about this whole journey? But no one could have told me how emotional it can be sometimes.
Okay lets back up....I am 25 and overweight....surprised? No. I grew up always being really thin for the most part. Once I hit puberty I was still skinny but a lot more athletic. It was probably around grade 12 when my shitty eating habits started to catch up to me, just like mom always said they would. I think it is standard for our parents to warn us about something or give us advice about our lives but as their children we feed them the standard line right? "I know mom!" But do we? Well I can tell you I am one of those kids who has said a few times "Yes mom I know!" and then when your fear comes to life you look back and say "Crap, you WERE right!"
I am starting to believe what my mom and dad have always said to me. "We have been around the block a few times you know. We know a thing or two."
Around 20 or 21 was when I hit my all time high. And I don't mean my score on wii bowling...Looking back on pictures of when my sister graduated I cannot help but cringe....I even found my self saying "Yikes my hair cut made me look really big" ....well no Kales it didn't make you look overweight....I am simply just over weight. Plain and simple.
A couple of years ago I joined weight watchers with my mom (my best friend) and we did really well for the first couple weeks. We both lost some weight and it was really awesome to have her to share it with. But after two weeks of weight loss we fell back into our old ways and gained one or two lbs the next week. And just like that I threw in the towel and started spiralling once again. I have always had a hard time with saying NO to certain foods and I have used that as a crutch to my disadvantage I think.
I don't have to say no, I just have to learn to proportion what I eat and just because I decided to have a couple of chips does not mean that I get to ruin the rest of my day with shitty foods..... If you fall off the wagon you just need to get back on! And that means get back on right away not wait for 3 more stops.
That is still a work in progress....but I am getting there and it is slowly becoming easier everyday, but those chats will come later in the blog:D
For now lets stick to what got me started on this whole adventure in the first place.
I have always thought of myself as a pretty confident person but I starting to realise that I think a lot of it is just a show to make myself feel better....well its not working people. Over the past two years I have come to realise how self conscious I really am. I wish I wasn't but I am and the only thing I can do is keep doing what I am doing and telling myself everyday that I am worth it, I am a good person, I am beautiful and I CAN DO ANYTHING I SET MY MIND TO.
I don't expect the confidence to come in a wave of relief in one day but I know that everyday I will feel a little bit more confident in myself and that is a great feeling...even if they are small steps they are still steps in the right direction.
I think playing on my soccer team has been a big insight into my confidence level over this last season. I think of myself as a pretty good player. I have skill, I have a good vision of the field when I am on the pitch and I can be a leader (I was a leader at one point). But over the course of my weight gain I have lost some of that. Not the skill, the vision, or the ability to lead, but more the ability to see that I can do all of these things. I CAN I CAN I CAN. I need to constantly remind myself of that.
I am pretty lucky with my support system and the people I have around me. I have a fiance who tells me everyday how beautiful I am and I have an amazing family who makes me feel like I can do no wrong and lifts me up everyday.
I am my own worst enemy and I know that this will be difficult and tough at times but it is going to be so worth it!
Yes I am overweight....am I happy about it?...HELL NO....I need to work on my fitness....yes and I am working on that everyday....Am I confident?....Lets just say I am getting there and working on that as well but I can say that I am more confident then I was yesterday...and I am going to be more confident tomorrow then I was today.
"We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot."
-Eleanor Roosevelt
I kind of figured that once I started this I would really need to dig deep within myself to figure some stuff out. Why am I so self conscious? What inspires me? What is going to motivate me? What scares me about this whole journey? But no one could have told me how emotional it can be sometimes.
Okay lets back up....I am 25 and overweight....surprised? No. I grew up always being really thin for the most part. Once I hit puberty I was still skinny but a lot more athletic. It was probably around grade 12 when my shitty eating habits started to catch up to me, just like mom always said they would. I think it is standard for our parents to warn us about something or give us advice about our lives but as their children we feed them the standard line right? "I know mom!" But do we? Well I can tell you I am one of those kids who has said a few times "Yes mom I know!" and then when your fear comes to life you look back and say "Crap, you WERE right!"
I am starting to believe what my mom and dad have always said to me. "We have been around the block a few times you know. We know a thing or two."
Around 20 or 21 was when I hit my all time high. And I don't mean my score on wii bowling...Looking back on pictures of when my sister graduated I cannot help but cringe....I even found my self saying "Yikes my hair cut made me look really big" ....well no Kales it didn't make you look overweight....I am simply just over weight. Plain and simple.
A couple of years ago I joined weight watchers with my mom (my best friend) and we did really well for the first couple weeks. We both lost some weight and it was really awesome to have her to share it with. But after two weeks of weight loss we fell back into our old ways and gained one or two lbs the next week. And just like that I threw in the towel and started spiralling once again. I have always had a hard time with saying NO to certain foods and I have used that as a crutch to my disadvantage I think.
I don't have to say no, I just have to learn to proportion what I eat and just because I decided to have a couple of chips does not mean that I get to ruin the rest of my day with shitty foods..... If you fall off the wagon you just need to get back on! And that means get back on right away not wait for 3 more stops.
That is still a work in progress....but I am getting there and it is slowly becoming easier everyday, but those chats will come later in the blog:D
For now lets stick to what got me started on this whole adventure in the first place.
I have always thought of myself as a pretty confident person but I starting to realise that I think a lot of it is just a show to make myself feel better....well its not working people. Over the past two years I have come to realise how self conscious I really am. I wish I wasn't but I am and the only thing I can do is keep doing what I am doing and telling myself everyday that I am worth it, I am a good person, I am beautiful and I CAN DO ANYTHING I SET MY MIND TO.
I don't expect the confidence to come in a wave of relief in one day but I know that everyday I will feel a little bit more confident in myself and that is a great feeling...even if they are small steps they are still steps in the right direction.
I think playing on my soccer team has been a big insight into my confidence level over this last season. I think of myself as a pretty good player. I have skill, I have a good vision of the field when I am on the pitch and I can be a leader (I was a leader at one point). But over the course of my weight gain I have lost some of that. Not the skill, the vision, or the ability to lead, but more the ability to see that I can do all of these things. I CAN I CAN I CAN. I need to constantly remind myself of that.
I am pretty lucky with my support system and the people I have around me. I have a fiance who tells me everyday how beautiful I am and I have an amazing family who makes me feel like I can do no wrong and lifts me up everyday.
I am my own worst enemy and I know that this will be difficult and tough at times but it is going to be so worth it!
Yes I am overweight....am I happy about it?...HELL NO....I need to work on my fitness....yes and I am working on that everyday....Am I confident?....Lets just say I am getting there and working on that as well but I can say that I am more confident then I was yesterday...and I am going to be more confident tomorrow then I was today.
"We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot."
-Eleanor Roosevelt
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